I will admit, first off, that I didn’t sleep well last night – and that the last thing I wanted to do was get up this morning. I am not at my best when I haven’t gotten the appropriate amount of sleep – and like many people (I think), I find it more difficult to deal rationally with things when I’ve been deprived of sleep. This means that I really didn’t have the patience to deal with stolen patch cords (a never-ending battle – and the many messages about the computer that wasn’t working), a student trying to get around our security software in order to use a dedicated OPAC station for word processing (rendering the machine useless), a non-student patron looking at offensive web sites (which I got to verify) and printer issues (another never-ending battle). I left work today in one of those “if-only-it-weren’t-for-the-patrons-life-would-be-wonderful” sort of mood. Without a doubt, I have been spending too much time at work of late, and I really need to get away – and I don’t think doing homework really counts as getting away. I mean whenever I get frustrated and irritated with the customers, I know I need some distance – an attitude adjustment – and/or a fresh perspective.
Additionally, I’m not happy with school. I think part of it is that I’m in a blue funk, part of it is because I’m stressed out and part of it is that I just don’t have any time for myself. This could be because working full time and taking two classes at the same time was not the smartest move I ever made. But also, part of it is school itself. I know it is normal to have second thoughts, doubts, etc. Yet, I don’t think I am having doubts about what I want to do or be. Despite being tired of work right now, being a systems librarian is exactly what I want. So, that leaves school itself. I admit that I’m currently tired of it – I have no enthusiasm. This is a problem.
I got my grade back on the assignment that I passed in yesterday – and I did ok. I actually should be very happy with the grade because I think it was generous. I didn’t really “get” the assignment and wasn’t able to take the time that I should have to get it right. However, this is indicative of where I currently am this semester. What to do? What to do? What to do?