Of late, I have been finding it extremely difficult to put any coherent thoughts together to form a blog post. I have started so many blog posts, only to decide that my thoughts were all garbled messes with little worth. I have deleted most posts that I have started over the past several weeks. And, I have spent countless hours staring at a blank WordPress editor screen. It has been quite disconcerting. It isn’t that life has gotten in the way, that school has gotten in the way or that I didn’t want to write.
One of the biggest problems is that I’m feeling extremely unsettled about school – which has traditionally been my primary motivator for blogging. I’m generally unhappy about my school experience, am reluctant to allow myself free reign to vent about my frustrations and am then left with nothing significant about which to write. Nothing specific has happened. I have had some recent contact with students who have echoed some of the same frustrations that I have experienced. This makes me sad – and makes me believe that the school, the ILS department, the administration and even the students are not able to get together to address any issues at this point. I just want to be done – be at a point where I can put this entire experience behind me.
I need to find another motivation for blogging. I need to be thinking beyond school. I will be in school until at least early May of 2008, but I can’t allow myself to be in a blue funk until then. I need to focus on the positive, to remember the good experiences at school, and to find motivation elsewhere. Unfortunately, I don’t think this will be easy.